


life in the dreamhaus

by sapphee



Series: Overly Honest Methods: Hockey Science Edition [2]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: All the relationships are slight, Ensemble Cast, F/M, Group chat, M/M, Momfords and Son, Multi, Nursey has four moms :'), Texting, puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-07-16 18:46:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7280404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphee/pseuds/sapphee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>BITS: Aww, are you Haus-sick, Shitty? ლ(・﹏・ლ)<br/>SHITS: fuck torts. yes. so fucking done with these yt boys. i need summer<br/>SHITS: will someone let me get naked in their room<br/>RANS: uh bro YOU are a yt<br/>LARDO: i gotchu, shits. just two more days and then it’ll be grad day and then you can be naked<br/>BITS: Speaking of which, what’s everyone doing this summer break and how do we contact you? (◕ω◕✿)<br/>RANS: it’s not<br/>HOLTZY: Summer break<br/>LARDO: for us</p><p>[An interlude.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	life in the dreamhaus

**Author's Note:**

> UPDATE 10/18/16: This has officially been copy-edited. Biggest change: Changing Bitty's typing style to have caps because [that's canon](http://67.media.tumblr.com/6cfbec0604144c4c3322ea02b761e0a8/tumblr_oe4w779e201szaospo8_1280.png) (idk how I missed it before). I debated whether to change Jack's to lowercase because of a very early [post](http://omgcheckplease.tumblr.com/post/71607750189), but if you look at the first link, Jack is using caps as well. [insert Oprah "so what is the truth?" gif] 
> 
> Also updated to make Holster's lines properly capitalized because of [this](http://omgcheckplease.tumblr.com/post/150861348987). (Holster how could you I trusted you)
> 
>  
> 
> Title is a reference to Barbie: Life in the Dreamhouse, just because I could.
> 
> I wrote a story for my creative writing class last semester with only texts, tweets, fb messages, and blog posts, and I loved experimenting with that. I wanted to do it again, for the intended sequel to the "It's a Date" study that looks at what happened to make Dex and Nursey weird around each other toward the end, and that will still happen, but once I started writing this, it got away from me. So this is not the fic I expected it to be, but I still want to write the one that I originally wanted to! Probably not as quickly as I did with this one, but that's because this one wrote itself! 
> 
> Also, I've seen a lot of fics where Nursey has two moms, which I absolutely adore and think is the absolute best. But then I was thinking. You know what would be better than Nursey and his two moms? Nursey and his FOUR moms! This part was inspired by [this post](http://kunchuu.tumblr.com/post/108150345269). Anyway, here is Nursey, son of four moms.
> 
> Lastly, this takes place at the end of May, two days-ish before Lardo, Ransom, and Holster's graduation day.
> 
> Hope you enjoy! I am very excited to start writing for this fandom!
> 
> Thanks forever to Ngozi for Check Please! <3

Fri, May 27, 2016, 1:43 PM **  
Shits** renamed the conversation **life in the dreamhaus**.

BITS: Aww, are you Haus-sick, Shitty? ლ(・﹏・ლ)

SHITS: fuck torts. yes. so fucking done with these yt boys. i need summer

SHITS: will someone let me get naked in their room

RANS: uh bro YOU are a yt

LARDO: i gotchu, shits. just two more days and then it’ll be grad day and then you can be naked

BITS: Speaking of which, what’s everyone doing this summer break and how do we contact you? (◕ω◕✿)

RANS: it’s not

HOLTZY: Summer break

LARDO: for us

LARDO: it’s a twisted world that shitty and jack graduated a whole year before us but we’re the first ones to not have summer vacation

LARDO: since rans is doing lab shit in nyc and holtzy has landed himself a soul-sucking start in capitalist hell on wall street

HOLTZY: How else will I keep me and Rans housed and fed?????????? This is just until Rans becomes a brill surgeon and I can be his trophy S.(br)O.

RANS: this is technically my summer break tho? since i start med school after that

LARDO: and i’m still in boston doing starving artist shit

LARDO: i’m going to miss your shoulders, holtzy

LARDO: i alrdy do

BITS: Please don’t make this harder than it has to be. ╥﹏╥

BITS: I’ll be going back home for a little bit and then headed to Providence to work at a bakery! ✿♥‿♥✿

RANS: get it, bits

SHITS: i still can’t believe you and my son kept it from us for so long

SHITS: my beautiful hunky son jack jacques

JACK: For the last time, I’m not your son, Shitty. I'm OLDER than you. I’ll be resting up before I start training again.

SHITS: PROTECT THE ZIMMERBOOTY

JACK: If anyone wants to come over for a bit and stay with us this summer, feel free. Bittle’s a good host.

LARDO: oh, i bet

BITS: Please…

BITS: Someone else tell us about your summer plans!

SHITS: interning at a law office that specializes in helping refugees. staying in boston so you won’t be alone lards

LARDO: that’s…………….good

LARDO: anyone say anything about this and i’ll stick your jocks into bitty’s food processor

BITS: NO LARDO YOU CAN’T THAT’S MY BABY.

BITS: Okay fine, so the good one is in Georgia. Stepdog at most.

NURSEY: sorry was just finishing up a paper. going to be staying at a villa in crete with the moms. email will be best, tho i won’t have regular internet access

BITS: Ooh, which moms. Also, which moms are picking you up from Samwell, and can I bake for them?

NURSEY: you better. kidding. nah it’s chill. and all of them, for both questions. mama and mom (my biological parents) found out shitty was coming to lardo’s/rans’s/holtzy’s grad and they love shitty so they wanted to come see him. not that the other moms don’t. they’ve all skyped with him

NURSEY: and maman (mama’s partner) wanted to see rans again, since rans sent maman a thank-you card for showing him around columbia medical school last winter

NURSEY: also, mum (mom’s partner) hasn’t seen samwell yet, since she’s always traveling. though lately she’s been taking a break, to support mom during the transition/adjustment period

NURSEY: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ so there you have it. all the moms. all the moms are coming

NURSEY: when you meet them, just remember, it’s mama and maman, mom and mum. marisol (or mari) and noelle, lane and nora.

NURSEY: confusing, i know. they’ll be wearing nametags.

NURSEY: anyway, the doctor finally declared mom recovered from the surgery, and mom just sent out a coming out email to her colleagues, so it’s official. then we’re all going to crete for a while to celebrate  

SHITS: brah i love your moms. have they taken my advice yet

NURSEY: to form a band called momfords and son? no. mama can’t sing for shit

LARDO: let me show your moms the joint installation we did with my sculptures and your words and i won’t tell them you made out with a bottle of sriracha sauce at majestikegster

NURSEY: sold. but only if you never mention it again

LARDO: no promises.

NURSEY: ugh. fine.

BITS: Can I bake your mom a celebration thing? <3

BITS: Only if you think she’ll like it.

NURSEY: if you want. like i said, it’s chill

BITS: Let me see if I remember this right. Red velvet for your mama and anything lemon for your maman and strawberry shortcake for your mom and carrot cake for your mum? Oh, and your maman is gluten-free, and your mum is allergic to nuts.

NURSEY: ……………yes

SHITS: you are such a mom, bits.

BITS: To make sure nobody dies from my food???

CHOWDER: sorry for the late reply i didn’t see this earlier because i bumped into johnson and i don’t know what he’s doing here!!!

CHOWDER: i’m flying back to cali and then i’ll be volunteering at an aquarium where you get to touch sharks!!! baby ones!!!!

CHOWDER: also, dex says he’s going to be lobster fishing for the summer, as usual

NURSEY: why doesn’t he tell us himself

NURSEY: also how’d you run into johnson

CHOWDER: oh right that’s what i was going to tell you!!! but then i forgot!!!!!

CHOWDER: so i was walking across lake quad?????? because i’d just finished lunch with cait????

RANS: FOINE

HOLTZY: FOINE

CHOWDER: you were not there how did you know she called me cutie pie?????

HOLTZY: DIDN’T.

RANS: JUST DID THO. SORRY FOR NOT RESPONDING THE GHOSTS WERE RICKROLLING ME AGAIN

RANS: nursey i love your moms. give them my love

HOLTZY: Me too. Kisses!

NURSEY: still not allowed to flirt with my moms, bros

RANS: DAMMIT

HOLTZY: DAMMIT

JACK: Go on, Chowder.

SHITS: aw yeah team dad, keeping the haus together and on track

LARDO: how is he your son AND team dad

CHOWDER: jack’s not team dad. i mean, sure, whenever i’ve walked in on bitty and jack, it’s like walking in on my parents, but he isn’t a dad in any way. he is just not team dad material

CHOWDER: I’M SORRY JACK IT’S JUST WHEN YOU LOOK AT ALL THE FACTS I DON’T THINK YOU’RE TEAM DAD ALSO I’M SORRY ABOUT WALKING IN ON YOU GUYS

BITS: Oh lord, I am so sorry, Chowder.

CHOWDER: I THINK SOMETIMES YOU GUYS FORGET JACK DOESN’T LIVE HERE ANYMORE IT’S MY ROOM NOW

JACK: You’re not forgiven.

CHOWDER: I’M SORRY PLEASE DON’T SIC THE HOCKEY GODS ON ME

CHOWDER: I ALREADY HAVE A HARD TIME STAYING AWAY FROM PUCKS AS IT IS

JACK: …because there’s nothing to forgive. I know I’m not dad material.

CHOWDER: Hi, this is Dex. Team dad is obviously Lardo. I took the phone away from C because he was freaking out.

RANS: how did we not see this before??????

SHITS: dex is right. lardo is SO team dad

LARDO: 1) i’m offended that you didn’t consider me immediately 2) i’m honored

JACK: Anyway. Moving on. Chowder, why can’t Dex tell us himself and why was Johnson here?

CHOWDER: as long as you’re not still mad at me!!!!

JACK: I never was. Well, Chowder?

CHOWDER: oh those two are related! so after my lunch with cait i was walking past lunch quad? to meet dex to get the keys to his dorm room because he’s leaving today?

CHOWDER: and that’s when i looked down at my phone and saw all the messages????? that was weird because i didn’t even hear my phone buzz during my lunch with cait???? my phone has been really weird lately. yesterday i almost missed my final because my alarm didn’t go off!

CHOWDER: thank goodness for cait though!!!!! she was calling for our finals-week good-luck daily words of motivation

RANS: FINE

BITS: Rans, you and Holster literally do that every day, finals or no finals. More often than not, it’s “bros before lambos.” At the top of your lungs. At six in the morning. ლಠ益ಠ)ლ

SHITS: good to know some things never change

LARDO: overruled. chowder, that’s not a finable offense unless it is for rans and holtzy.

CHOWDER: thanks lardo! anyway then i saw dex talking to johnson. johnson asked dex if he could borrow his phone and then he ran off with it???????? he said hi to me while running past and then when he came back, dex’s phone was gone

NURSEY: what do you mean, gone?

CHOWDER: it just disappeared!!! i’m trying to comfort dex right now. johnson wouldn’t explain what happened to it. he just kept repeating the same thing over and over again, as if it would make sense the more he said it. it still hasn’t!!!!!!

CHOWDER: Dex here. I mean, I’m not that upset, because it was a piece of crap that I’ve been saving up to replace anyway. Email or Facebook will be best, though I won’t be able to reply often, since I’ll be out all day fishing. Oh, and I’m not replacing my phone until September, probably. There are a bunch of new models coming out soon, and I’m waiting for the reviews before I decide.

CHOWDER: Anyway, I’m leaving in five minutes because my parents are almost here; Chowder’s helping me move my stuff into the Haus. Sorry I couldn’t stay for graduation! I’ll miss you guys but you’re always welcome to visit me during the summer, if you like boats.

CHOWDER: To Lardo, I’ll miss helping you with your art installations. You’re so innovative, and I love your visions. Never stop. To Ransom and Holster, you guys are really weird and your experiment took up a lot of my free time, but I enjoyed helping out anyway. Thanks for the dibs.

CHOWDER: And sorry I won’t get to meet your moms, Nurse.

LARDO: I’M NOT CRYING DEX YOU WON’T WIN

LARDO: fuck it yes you will. ugly crying rn

HOLTZY: WAIT

HOLTZY: DEX

HOLTZY: IF YOU HAVE THE TIME MAKE SURE TO READ OUR REPORT. I’LL EMAIL IT OUT TO THE TEAM SOON, RIGHT AFTER GRADUATION TOPS

BITS: Chowder can catch you up on that! the group chat, anyway.

CHOWDER: that is harder than you think it is.

NURSEY: when did dex’s phone disappear?

CHOWDER: almost an hour ago why?

NURSEY: nothing. gotta go. the moms are coming up tomorrow afternoon, so i should pack

RANS: what’s the rush? you got the Holsom Dibs™ so you just need to get your shit into the haus, packed or not packed. you could even wheelbarrow it! wheelbarrow’s still on the roof, i think

NURSEY: …………right. still. i should go be responsible or whatever, right? need to get an early start if i want to finish it tonight bye

LARDO: that……………………………was distinctly unchill

JACK: Chowder, what was Johnson saying?

CHOWDER: nothing that makes sense. as usual

CHOWDER: “IT'S FOR THE NARRATIVE, DEX. FOR THE NARRATIVE.”


End file.
